"God must have spent a little more time on you"

my grandma and aunt are going home tomorrow... somehow, i'm getting this feeling that i've never felt before... i..i.i.. i'm actually sad that my grandma's going home... my face still shows a normal expression that i always do... but, somehow... my heart inside is aching T_T i dont understand why... but... i wish she would stay here with us T_T maybe because she's not as lucky as my mother's mum (whom has a maid to care for her... and all her daughters and son are always chatting with her and caring for her etc..)... T_T i feel like just going into her room now and beg her to stay... it's ironic that my grandmother knows everything about me since i was born (everything in a "universal" sense... know what kinda character etc.. i am) but i barely know her... sure, i know that she likes to eat nice food etc.. but.. personality-wise, i dont know... all i know is that she's a strong woman... she has to care for all my aunts... cook, clean the house etc.. and she never complains... i pity her... she deserves more than this... T_T so much more...

sigh... i still cant understand why i'm feeling this pain inside... i mean, sure, i do care and love her... but, never have i felt sad that she's going back (?)... sigh... i wanna do well in life... i MUST do well in life... there's so many people that i have gratitude towards... just starting from my family alone.. i dont think even in 1,000,000 lifetimes, can i repay all the things that they've done for me... all these unconditional love T_T for things to happen, you need to take steps 1 by 1... and i guess, the step that i should take now is to study hard...

ok~ i think starting from today, i'll be putting down a wish-list at the end of all my posts... not a wish-list of things i want to buy... but a wish-list for things i wanna buy for my family.. friends or anyone.. some of you might think that i'm trying to be egoistical here.. please dont... this list, acts as a mere reminder for me to work hard (in studies and my part time job) so that i can use my pay to give some insignificant (in comparison) gifts to people that i care... as the list grows bigger, in a way, maybe it'd make me more embarassed that i havent worked hard enough to get those gifts... so as the list grows smaller, you will know that i'm either fulfilling a promise... no.. not a promise... a principle of my life (?) or that i've turned to a mean person~ lol... *bows*

**WISHU-LIST**
1.) kangaroo-hide purse -- dateline: A.S.A.P!!
2.) a nice, pink "aussie" t-shirt -- dateline: A.S.A.P!! (from the shop i work)
3.) give my parents and grandmotherS some $ from my pay -- dateline: end of the year (feel so guilty for not giving any last year -_- i actually wanted it to be a yearly thing but sigh~ stupid AMEX was only commission-based... oh well, i cant blame anyone but myself -_-)